10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand.
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    felixm22's Avatar
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    10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand.

    1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 


    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 


 2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" 
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. 
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 



    4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. 



    5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 


    6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." 
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 



    7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

    8. 
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

    9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."



    10.
    A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

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    Texkev's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by felixm22 View Post
    10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

    This was my favorite...
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    rtgt's Avatar
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    #4 is my favorite.

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    Furu's Avatar
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    Maybe it is the multiple type engineer in me but I liked them all.
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    rtgt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Furu View Post
    Maybe it is the multiple type engineer in me but I liked them all.
    Being a jarhead I am naturally drawn to weapons and targets.......

    Spend months to engineer, months to build.... I can disassemble in minutes.
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    Furu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rtgt View Post
    Being a jarhead I am naturally drawn to weapons and targets.......

    Spend months to engineer, months to build.... I can disassemble in minutes.
    Yes at the velocity of about 26550 ft/sec
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    Ultrapile's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Furu View Post
    Yes at the velocity of about 26550 ft/sec
    That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.


    That was a great list of jokes I can use at key times with the engineers I work with.
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    Furu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultrapile View Post
    That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.


    Well as a "Jarhead" I suspect that you have had the opportunity to take things apart at that detonation velocity. That is C-4; also in metric, 8092 meters/sec.
    Tritonal was more my style at around 6700 meters/sec. A bit slower detonation velocity but I dealt with larger quantities.

    Engineers are also in to engineering how to take things apart as quickly and violently as possible while being efficient at said destruction.

    Now if this thread's devolution doesn't get the NSA spooks going with the keyword searches I do not know what will.
    Last edited by Furu; 05-17-2014 at 01:13 PM.
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    Ultrapile's Avatar
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    I carried 5 lbs of C-4 while in DS. I used most of it to heat up MRE's.
    Kenny
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultrapile View Post
    That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.


    That was a great list of jokes I can use at key times with the engineers I work with.
    While decorating the opposite wall of a room with grey matter is effective, so is installing a massive crater.

    When it positively has to be destroyed overnight....we have the technology!
    Ultrapile likes this.

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