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1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 


Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 


 2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" 
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. 
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 



4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. 



5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 


6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." 
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 



7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. 
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."



10.
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

 

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10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

This was my favorite...
 

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#4 is my favorite.
 

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Maybe it is the multiple type engineer in me but I liked them all.
 

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Maybe it is the multiple type engineer in me but I liked them all.
Being a jarhead I am naturally drawn to weapons and targets.......

Spend months to engineer, months to build.... I can disassemble in minutes.
 

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Being a jarhead I am naturally drawn to weapons and targets.......

Spend months to engineer, months to build.... I can disassemble in minutes.
Yes at the velocity of about 26550 ft/sec:fire::thumbup1gif:
 

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Yes at the velocity of about 26550 ft/sec:fire::thumbup1gif:
That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.
:snipersmilie:

That was a great list of jokes I can use at key times with the engineers I work with.
:thumbup1gif:
 

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That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.
:snipersmilie:

:thumbup1gif:
Well as a "Jarhead" I suspect that you have had the opportunity to take things apart at that detonation velocity. That is C-4; also in metric, 8092 meters/sec.
Tritonal was more my style at around 6700 meters/sec. A bit slower detonation velocity but I dealt with larger quantities.

Engineers are also in to engineering how to take things apart as quickly and violently as possible while being efficient at said destruction.

Now if this thread's devolution doesn't get the NSA spooks going with the keyword searches I do not know what will.
 

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I carried 5 lbs of C-4 while in DS. I used most of it to heat up MRE's. :shhh:
 

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That's pretty fast! My speeds are closer to 10% of that and I will do my best to keep all your hard work in tact when I take out the enemy.
:snipersmilie:

That was a great list of jokes I can use at key times with the engineers I work with.
:thumbup1gif:
While decorating the opposite wall of a room with grey matter is effective, so is installing a massive crater.

When it positively has to be destroyed overnight....we have the technology!
 

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I am not an engineer. Must be why I did not get #7, The rest were not a problem.
 

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I seem to recall the Mythbusters did an experiment on cooking MRE's with C-4.

BTW, #6 is my favorite; though they are all good.
What did they come up with? I know it worked for us. Word of caution, do not stomp the flame out. :angel:
 

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I liked the one about the naked women and the cool bike.
Reminds me of this:
My wife is a mentor on the physics forum. One of my favorite post there is from a college physics major who asked: "Has anyone ever really just gone up to a girl and started talking?" One of the early responses to the question was: "DON'T do it man! It's not worth it."
 

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What did they come up with? I know it worked for us. Word of caution, do not stomp the flame out. :angel:
If I recall correctly, it worked for them as well.

My wife is a mentor on the physics forum. One of my favorite post there is from a college physics major who asked: "Has anyone ever really just gone up to a girl and started talking?" One of the early responses to the question was: "DON'T do it man! It's not worth it."
As a buddy of mine and I were returning from Home Despot today, we noticed a large tent and lots of chairs in a homeowners backyard. Obviously a wedding was planned. I told my friend that it's too bad we didn't have a PA in his truck so we could yell. "RUN FOOL RUN! THE HASSLE ISN'T WORTH IT!" etc, etc, etc.
 

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I did my undergraduate work at a Nerd farm (GMI Engineering) - 95% Engineering based schoole (5% Mgmt) I resemble these jokes so much it's scary.:lol:
 
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