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Discussion Starter #1
Kind of a weird title I know, but I couldnt find a good way to word what I wanted in such a small space.

How do you all handle it when a neighbor or friend says "Hey, so and so is going to be here tomorrow and Id like to bring them by so I can show them your tractor"?
Maybe Im alone in that "problem."

My neighbor, who is a great guy, has done this a couple times. First time was just my garage, then my saws, now the tractor.
Im a fairly private person, and not too trusting of people I dont know. I wont get into why, other than to say that I wasnt always this way, but life and work has made me take a harder look at who I allow near me and my family and our home.

Anyway, Im just wondering how best to handle it without pissing off my neighbor. In this case, and the previous ones, its his brother. Ive met him before and to be honest dont care much for him. Brags a lot, and doesnt take too much care with other peoples things, and not the brightest crayon in the box. The one time I let him use my saw when we were cutting up a couple trees wed just dropped for my neighbor, he ran the chain right into the ground on the second cut, then twice more before I told him he was done. My neighbor helps me with stuff and I help him with quite a bit of stuff, so being angry about much of anything isnt very productive.

Now, I dont care that he knows I have it, Im just not a fan of having people over here looking at my stuff.
I guess I figure he can see it all he wants when hes over here helping do some work, otherwise, Ive got other stuff to do.

Sure I could say I wont be home, but while there is a good bit of woods between us, you can still make out my garage and vehicles from his place, and Im not big on lying to people either.

Id much rather just tell him that I dont appreciate him doing that to me, but saying it and coming across as not being a jerk are two different things. Im a fairly direct person anyway, so I have a hard enough time not coming off like that when Im not trying to tip toe around something.
 

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Tough Call. If it's the brother again you're probably going to have a hard time coming up with an excuse. If he's bringing over someone you've never met I think you're just going to have to flat out tell him you're not really comfortable with him bringing strangers over to see your stuff. Yeah, he may know them, but you don't. And, tell him "how do you think you'd feel if I brought over a bunch of my friends to check out your tools, your garage and your wife?" Well, maybe leave the wife out of it, but you get my drift.

I don't like strangers around my place either. Sweetie wants to hire a cleaning service and we've had maids here before - but I don't like it! I don't like people in my stuff. You never know who they will say something too that might want a new tractor, a new gun, etc.
 

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I've always found that being straight up with friends, neighbors, and family seems to be the best practice. Most people appreciate frankness. Sometimes folk aren't even aware of boundaries and will gladly cooperate if they know them. If the neighbor is a good guy, he will become an even better friend knowing how you feel.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Tough Call. If it's the brother again you're probably going to have a hard time coming up with an excuse. If he's bringing over someone you've never met I think you're just going to have to flat out tell him you're not really comfortable with him bringing strangers over to see your stuff. Yeah, he may know them, but you don't. And, tell him "how do you think you'd feel if I brought over a bunch of my friends to check out your tools, your garage and your wife?" Well, maybe leave the wife out of it, but you get my drift.

I don't like strangers around my place either. Sweetie wants to hire a cleaning service and we've had maids here before - but I don't like it! I don't like people in my stuff. You never know who they will say something too that might want a new tractor, a new gun, etc.
Im the same way with people around here. Had a tough time with having a baby sitter a few years back for the kids. Luckily now one is old enough to watch the others.
I had a really tough time when we sold our home. Letting people come in that we dont know and then the inspector wanting everyone out of the home, which is normal, really worked on my nerves for a while. Luckily it sold fast and we didnt have to have all sorts of people through it for months.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I've always found that being straight up with friends, neighbors, and family seems to be the best practice. Most people appreciate frankness. Sometimes folk aren't even aware of boundaries and will gladly cooperate if they know them. If the neighbor is a good guy, he will become an even better friend knowing how you feel.
Thats sort of the conclusion I have come to too.
I think I am just one of those that needs a day or so to cool off before talking to someone about something that bugs me, otherwise I can tend to get a bit hot headed. More so than normal I guess.
Lucky for me, thats going away with age. 20 years ago Id have told him in no uncertain terms he isnt to invite others to my property for any reason, ever. And probably thrown in a few other things as well. As I get nearer to AARP status, it seems to be getting easier for me to be a bit more tactful in my responses, as long as I think it through a bit.
 

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Kind of a weird title I know, but I couldnt find a good way to word what I wanted in such a small space.

How do you all handle it when a neighbor or friend says "Hey, so and so is going to be here tomorrow and Id like to bring them by so I can show them your tractor"?
Maybe Im alone in that "problem."

My neighbor, who is a great guy, has done this a couple times. First time was just my garage, then my saws, now the tractor.
Im a fairly private person, and not too trusting of people I dont know. I wont get into why, other than to say that I wasnt always this way, but life and work has made me take a harder look at who I allow near me and my family and our home.

Anyway, Im just wondering how best to handle it without pissing off my neighbor. In this case, and the previous ones, its his brother. Ive met him before and to be honest dont care much for him. Brags a lot, and doesnt take too much care with other peoples things, and not the brightest crayon in the box. The one time I let him use my saw when we were cutting up a couple trees wed just dropped for my neighbor, he ran the chain right into the ground on the second cut, then twice more before I told him he was done. My neighbor helps me with stuff and I help him with quite a bit of stuff, so being angry about much of anything isnt very productive.

Now, I dont care that he knows I have it, Im just not a fan of having people over here looking at my stuff.
I guess I figure he can see it all he wants when hes over here helping do some work, otherwise, Ive got other stuff to do.

Sure I could say I wont be home, but while there is a good bit of woods between us, you can still make out my garage and vehicles from his place, and Im not big on lying to people either.

Id much rather just tell him that I dont appreciate him doing that to me, but saying it and coming across as not being a jerk are two different things. Im a fairly direct person anyway, so I have a hard enough time not coming off like that when Im not trying to tip toe around something.
I could easily have wrote this - all except for the fact of having a neighbor.

We are very private people also - and also very straight forward. Maybe that’s why I (we) don’t have any actual “friends”. But anyway - go with your gut. If you are uncomfortable just don’t do it. Your neighbor really doesn’t have the right to invite someone else to your shop/garage/house.

Im the same way with people around here. Had a tough time with having a baby sitter a few years back for the kids. Luckily now one is old enough to watch the others.
I had a really tough time when we sold our home. Letting people come in that we dont know and then the inspector wanting everyone out of the home, which is normal, really worked on my nerves for a while. Luckily it sold fast and we didnt have to have all sorts of people through it for months.
We are at kind of one of those cross roads with life and talked about the possibility of moving after living here for 21 years. My biggest fear is just as you said - people trapping through the house if we decided to sell and move.

And never had a baby sitter - never. My daughter was with us all the time.
 

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I started reading this thread yesterday and I didn't know what I would write. We are private people too, and we don't mind showing good friends some of our stuff, but it is always on our terms, at a time convenient to us. We don't like strangers in our home and worry about letting them know what we have ... giving out information for a possible future break-in, because now they know what security we have, what we own, and where it is in the house.

Maybe we're a little paranoid, and maybe we watch too much TV, but I grew up in NYC and though it's a nice city, we always locked our doors when out and before going to bed. Whenever we had repair people in our house, we'd watch them constantly.

This reminds me of an incident my brother had many, many years ago. They had a crew come in to put French drains in their basement, probably took about a week, so they were not watched constantly. No one in his family drinks alcohol, and being an MD, they used to get a lot of gifts of liquor during the holidays, which they stored in their basement. Flash forward to sometime in the future when they threw a party and brought up some of their liquor gifts ... All the liquor bottles were empty, most were in gift boxes, bottles were inside, caps/corks in place, and placed neatly back on the shelves. Either the crew had a "happy" time working, or they filled their thermos bottles every day with expensive booze. Never did they suspect anything while the crew was there.

So to answer the OP's original question, if you're not comfortable, then politely decline and maybe a brief reason why. Don't insinuate anything about the neighbor's friends or brother, just decline.

Just my 2 cents.
 

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At least he asked and did not show up with someone expecting the nickel tour. I would tell him, sorry I don't want strangers here. I would NEVER offer to show off any of my friends equipment.
 

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Not for me

I wouldn't be comfortable having anyone inside my house or garage to see my stuff. Outside the house, maybe but not inside. Years ago we had a cleaning team come into the house. They were recommended, supposedly background checked, insured etc. It was the day before we were to leave on vacation. When they left, so did my wife's ring which she didn't miss until we were loading up to leave the next day. It turns out a "new" person on the crew had some drug issues but the company said we had to prove she had taken it. Good luck with that. Fortunately, we did have an insurance rider that covered it but that was not a happy time.

Now if someone comes in the house, I either know them or watch pretty carefully. We had a cable guy come in the house who I think would have pilfered anything he could except I was watching. I told the company not to send him again. I was enough larger that I guess he figured if he took something I might just pick him up by the ankles and shake to see what fell out of his pockets. Alas, I couldn't do that now- age has some consequences and not all of them are good.

Treefarmer
 

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I’d just say no I don’t like strangers knowing what I have. Call me paranoid but it would bug me, so please don’t bring people to look around.

If your neighbor gets upset about that it wasn’t worth trying to get along in the first place. Respecting others, their stuff, and their feelings is basic decency, and a requirement to anyone I call a friend, or invite over.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
So I solved it a bit differently than Id planned.

He sent a text asking if I was home, and while I knew why, I simply replied "Sure am, whats up?"
Sure enough, he said he wanted to bring his brother by to see the tractor.

Now, minor derail here, Im not too concerned about him seeing the tractor, its everything else. Its being on my property. That will make sense to several who posted here, but Im sure it wont to some.
He is around and helps cut up trees and move firewood for his brother, so eventually, hed have seen it anyway. Id have put it off maybe a month or two.
Taking that into account, the solution was a rather simple one.

When I got the text, I was on the way to the tractor anyway, to drive down and get the mail (sure I could walk, but then Id miss out on some seat time, lol).
Anyway, I just replied that Id do him one better, Ill just bring it by.
That seemed to solve it right then, and no need to address the issue of bringing people over with his brother around either. Ill do that this weekend.


All this reminded me that I wanted to start a thread about security cameras and their use, with regard to internet monitoring, or just on a home network, etc, so I guess coming soon to a forum near you, lol.
 

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Good solution Jim - maybe he got the hint.....

I’ve not had a neighbor in more than 30 years - I know I wouldn’t have dealt with it as diplomatically as you. It’s one of my biggest fears - the possibility of having to move somewhere when I get too old to take care of this place.
 

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Possible solution

Good solution Jim - maybe he got the hint.....

I’ve not had a neighbor in more than 30 years - I know I wouldn’t have dealt with it as diplomatically as you. It’s one of my biggest fears - the possibility of having to move somewhere when I get too old to take care of this place.
I might have a possible solution for you. The place where my brother works has clients come through on a relatively frequent basis. Most of them are good and ok but sometimes a real jerk comes through. They have both "public" and employee only areas as they work for multiple clients and sometimes they don't want one client seeing what another client might have.

One of the jerks was pretty insistent about following people around and not respecting the barriers. The staff reminded him politely several times but it was getting aggravating. In the middle of the afternoon one day, it got to be too much so a co-worker pulled the client aside and in a whisper said something like the following: Hey, you want to be careful the rest of the day about ______ . He's a good guy but gets a little touchy. He was in Vietnam and exposed to Agent Orange and well, sometimes he just goes off if people bug him too much. I don't know how he got a concealed carry license but he's packing so you might want to watch it.

The client sat quietly in the conference room the rest of the day. . .

While my brother did serve during the Vietnam war, he was not in Vietnam nor was he exposed to Agent Orange while in the service. Since we used a combination of 2,4,d and 2,4,5 t on the farm, technically he was exposed as was I but not in the service. However, in this case a little uncertainty caused the client to become much better behaved.

Treefarmer
 

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InyanJim -

My youngest BIL doesn't bring people around to show off my stuff, per se, but he doesn't miss the chance to announce to anyone within earshot that "We have a John Deere." I usually just nod and smile, but sometimes I want to ask him:" Who is "WE"? You got a frog in your pocket?" Or as a departed crude old rancher/deer hunting buddy used to say" You got a turd in your pocket?"

My Deere was a great addition to the property and continues to be a principal work horse

I don't care much for unannounced visitors, unless We (my wife and I) know them and are somewhat expecting them


Brian


Kind of a weird title I know, but I couldnt find a good way to word what I wanted in such a small space.

How do you all handle it when a neighbor or friend says "Hey, so and so is going to be here tomorrow and Id like to bring them by so I can show them your tractor"?
Maybe Im alone in that "problem."

My neighbor, who is a great guy, has done this a couple times. First time was just my garage, then my saws, now the tractor.
Im a fairly private person, and not too trusting of people I dont know. I wont get into why, other than to say that I wasnt always this way, but life and work has made me take a harder look at who I allow near me and my family and our home.

Anyway, Im just wondering how best to handle it without pissing off my neighbor. In this case, and the previous ones, its his brother. Ive met him before and to be honest dont care much for him. Brags a lot, and doesnt take too much care with other peoples things, and not the brightest crayon in the box. The one time I let him use my saw when we were cutting up a couple trees wed just dropped for my neighbor, he ran the chain right into the ground on the second cut, then twice more before I told him he was done. My neighbor helps me with stuff and I help him with quite a bit of stuff, so being angry about much of anything isnt very productive.

Now, I dont care that he knows I have it, Im just not a fan of having people over here looking at my stuff.
I guess I figure he can see it all he wants when hes over here helping do some work, otherwise, Ive got other stuff to do.

Sure I could say I wont be home, but while there is a good bit of woods between us, you can still make out my garage and vehicles from his place, and Im not big on lying to people either.

Id much rather just tell him that I dont appreciate him doing that to me, but saying it and coming across as not being a jerk are two different things. Im a fairly direct person anyway, so I have a hard enough time not coming off like that when Im not trying to tip toe around something.
 

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Tough Call. If it's the brother again you're probably going to have a hard time coming up with an excuse. If he's bringing over someone you've never met I think you're just going to have to flat out tell him you're not really comfortable with him bringing strangers over to see your stuff. Yeah, he may know them, but you don't. And, tell him "how do you think you'd feel if I brought over a bunch of my friends to check out your tools, your garage and your wife?" Well, maybe leave the wife out of it, but you get my drift.

I don't like strangers around my place either. Sweetie wants to hire a cleaning service and we've had maids here before - but I don't like it! I don't like people in my stuff. You never know who they will say something too that might want a new tractor, a new gun, etc.
Exactly my thoughts. I’ve had the same problem, lucky the one guy moved away.
 

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I live in a farming community, so I’m a small fish in a big pond as far as equipment goes...

Our neighbors have 8 and 9 series John Deere’s, crawlers, wheel loaders, you name it :lol:

No one cares about my little tractors, haha
 
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